Would you want to know the date of your death?

Around dinner tables, and cocktail parties, one of the most frequently asked questions is

"if you could know the date of your death, would you want to? "

Most of us laughed or gave a smart ass answer. But we probably thought about that question a bit later on in the evening. Would we really want to know? We all know that we will die, and most likely pay taxes. April 15th is a set date,,,,the other unknown.

I am one of those that was given a shock...reality check. When I was initially diagnosed, and I waited for the rest of the test results, I wasn't sure if my doctors were going to be handing me a recipe for a cure, or a timeline to avoid death. Thankfully I have no set date for death, just like the rest of us out there. But still, I had a crazy year. Now my hair is growing out, I'm back in business with real estate, Sonny, Colin and Mairin are doing great. They are all involved in their own stuff. I know I've said it before in this blog, but something good has to come out of this experience.

Perhaps the most important for me is what do I want to be remembered for? What is my legacy? One thing about getting this early gut check is that now we may have time to make a plan and, in my case try and savor the small things...as well as the big. I also have made a point to share more of my family stories, about my youth, my grandparents etc.

Mairin never knew the Great Aunt that she was supposed to be named after, Aunt Causbie, until another Cosby became a famous TV star, and we just couldn't strap her with that name. But she did know about Causbie, and Ada, and Glen ,Roy and Artie...and of course Uncle Bob. They are the names from my Mom's side in West Virginia. They also know that I took a small 12 seat plane with Sonny on my lap, seated next to Mary Lou Retton, AFTER she won all of her gold medals and was making her way back to WVA.

My kids have also heard the story many times about how Sonny got his name.....Kevin and I were in Palm Springs, with "Kevin Jr." and I heard a shout,,"Hey Sonny!" It was from John Elway! I asked Kevin what that meant and he told me that at Stanford he was #9, and also looked like Sonny Jurgensen, and was a QB,,and so he was given the nickname Sonny. I had never heard this. When John looked down at Kevin Jr. he said, "he looks just like you,, a little Sonny!" Well, I was having a hard time with 2 Kevin's and so we looked at each other and laughed and said, yes he is Sonny.

This year has seen Mairin turn 16, Colin 18 and Sonny will be 21 on the 1rst of July. WOW.

I have talked with many friends whose kids are now all away at college, or off to new jobs, leaving an empty nest behind (Cherie and Mark, Morgan and Diny, to name just a couple) but are using this to jump start new lives. This is not a sad occasion! Are we kidding? Great kids off to start new lives, and parents left to start new lives,,,,,how awesome.

I must say that when I look at this new generation of 18 + kids and how great they are.....they will be taking their roles seriously when they realize that they have a say in the elections. What a tremendous opportunity.

Colin got his voters card in the mail after he turned 18, and asked me to tell him how he is supposed to do this research "thing". He already gets so mad at all of the commercials and news reports. "I can't believe paid ads..." I was so thrilled that he was interested.



I have thought long and hard about this question I posed tonight.

My answer is no. I don't want to know. I am being truthful when I say that my cancer scare was enough of a gut-check. I DO appreciate every day that I wake up. I say my prayers for another wonderful day, and how can I make a difference.



Love.

Nancy

Made it past one year!

Feel great. Let's live everyday!
Nancy

D-Day for me

June 13th, 2007.
That was D Day for me. Diagnosis day. But really just another day. While the feelings that I felt when she said the C word, are as clear today as they were then,,,the rest is fuzzy. It's not like I dwell on those days. Today I re-read my blog. It really outlined the roller-coaster I was on and how many people joined me on the ride. What stands out most in my mind is how much I had to slow down , duh, and that in itself gave me time to appreciate the little things.
Work has really picked up, and with all of us living here, going in different directions, always short a car for someone, I find that we get caught up in the momentum and maybe don't appreciate the small things again. Gut check. The experience that I (we) went through is not going to be lost and just 'back-to-business". Come on I challenge those of you that are still reading this to feel that scared feeling I felt when my DR. said cancer, and use it to motivate you to let the small stuff roll off and be the best you can be.
I am trying.
Carpe diem, every, single, day.
Love,
Nancy

WOW...so NOT me!

Sorry, faithful blog readers! A weak moment, also called a pity party. Just got back from the gym in fact. I must own my full recovery and just do the best that I can do. So there.

Last night I was at a fundraiser party for a friend that is undergoing chemo for ovarian cancer. Wow,,did that reinforce my positive attitude! The room was filled with love,,,,and NEW friends, OLD friends and ALL friends by the end of the evening. And a great time was had by all!

Let's keep it going. With an occasional slip-up allowed.

Love you!

Nancy

Don't listen to the stories

Last week I had a friend relate to me that her best friend had a double mastectomy, and chemo...at age 49....and seemed fine...then it was back....she died at age 52.
Wow.
I think that image kind of set me back ...but also made me aware that this is an ongoing battle that I am engaged in. I can not accept the fact that I am cured. There may be cells in my body that are ready to take over. My doctor prescribed 30 min. a day of hard cardio...it is proven to benefit the percentages of recurrence. Have I done that? No. Will I ? Absolutely.....
I also should not have watched the movie tonight,,The Family Stone.....because the Mom,,,played by Diane Keaton,,,dies of breast cancer...and they even show her mastectomy scar. It is so weird seeing these scars....with no nipples.. And that is me. Then she dies. NOT me.
Good night.
Nancy