Busy week,,,getting down to the wire.

It has been an interesting couple of days. Yesterday morning I went to my plastic surgeon who again wanted me to postpone my chemo until my reconstruction was completed, maybe a few months. He didn't seem to think that my chemo was of an urgent nature. (He requested my oncology doctor's number to discuss with her....I put the brakes on that and said it was my decision to go ahead with the chemo.) My reconstruction however depended a lot on my muscle-tightness and scarring nature. It was going to be hard to expand them after a few months. I explained that I was really OK with that. He proceeded to put in 150 cc's in each. For comparison sake, last time I had 50 put in. And now my nerves are coming back. It is much more painful. They look a little fuller...but they feel like someone took duct tape and wrapped it as tightly as they could! I can hardly breathe. And moving is painful. He said that he usually waits 2 weeks between expansions, but since I was not going to postpone my chemo he would make an exception and do one more expansion on this Thursday, the day I have my first chemo. For some reason I felt like I owed this to him. He is actually a very nice man, and seems to have my best interest at stake. He thinks that somewhere down the line I will really want more than just small B's. That he is mistaken about. Guaranteed. At this point...still not being able to breathe, I think I may cancel my Thursday appointment. The good news is that he may be interested in buying a house,,,and his nurse too! Maybe I won't cancel my appointment, but show up with lots of real estate info!

Today. I had my nutritionist appointment. My sister-in-law Michele told me about her. She is in Costa Mesa. She made a lot of sense to me. She provided me with some drinks to have during chemo, and then right after. They should help minimize my side-effects. The expense is well worth feeling better during this chemo time.

Then we went to my chemo. orientation. Sonny, Colin and Mairin came with me. I was a little testy (OK they would say bitchy). I don't know what got into me except that this was IT. They tend to joke around when they are nervous, and I well, don't joke when I am nervous. We had to go over all of the possible side effects, and what to do in each scenario. Some included going to the ER, and others involved daily shots, Colin and Sonny actually offered to do them for me. We took a tour and saw all of these patients hooked up. It totally depressed me. No one was any younger than 65. They also don't have room for family or friends to stay with me. They have to go to this pathetic small waiting room. I can't wait for the new Kaiser at Sand Canyon to open up. I remember Michele saying that she made some friends during chemo....well everyone was napping when I was there, it didn't look like they were interested in making friends.
OK happy ending..
Happy day...a wonderful turkey dinner from MaryVictoria Tayor! We were really starving when we finally made it home from the chemo appmt. Thank you so much! Then not less than 10 minutes later, Tami Perez showed up with enchiladas and etc etc.....including homemade salsa! Then we saw a black SUV pull up and drop something off and dash off before we can get outside,,,Max Klapp and family dropped off some Costco necessities!
I also got a moving card from my sorority sister Heidi with a TJ gift card.....which made so much sense because my nutritionist really stressed organic food for me while I am on chemo.
MaryAvis and Rick and RJ delivered the BEST steaks and accompaniments on Sunday...we enjoyed them immensely...and also had steak sandwiches. It really means so much to me and me kids ......thank you...thank you. I know that I am forgetting some people that really have gone out of their way to help me. Sorry! You know I love you!

Everyone keeps saying how strong I am. Well, I'm not. Most of the time maybe. But now I feel really vulnerable. Having my kids with me today,,,meant so much, but also made me feel how fleeting life is. I am so glad that they get along so well. Silly jokes and all. I worry about the little things.....and stress out. Back to school shopping!!! Getting Sonny healthy and back to Harvard...and not having him worry about me.
You know what....I AM strong. I will be fine. Sorry for the temporary relapse!
I love you!
thanks for keeping tabs on me and my family,
Nancy